Author
Rudolph Victor
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Author
Rudolph Victor
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Have you ever experienced a loss so profound it felt like a part of you was missing? A shadow that followed you around, tapping on your shoulder at the most inopportune times, reminding you of what you’ve lost? A hole in your heart that you fear will never heal?
I have.
My dad (technically my stepdad, but he was my dad) was one of the greatest people I knew. Leo was a paradox – a tough guy with the biggest heart. He could be surly and sometimes even nasty, but he was also the sweetest man you’d ever meet. He helped countless people, yet would never admit to it. He lived his life with quiet strength and resilience, teaching me the true meaning of love and compassion.
When he passed away, it felt like the world stood still. The grief was overwhelming; I thought I would drown in it. But then, I rediscovered mindfulness. I went back to my roots, to my daily routine of meditation and breathing exercises, and quite accidentally stumbled upon a lifeline. Mindfulness brought me into the present moment, allowing me to savor the memories of my dad – our quiet moments together, the warmth of the sun on my skin as we sat outside, the taste of coffee that always accompanied our talks.
Over time, this practice of mindfulness and gratitude helped me embrace life with all its joys and sorrows. It allowed me to heal, to grow, and to honor the love and lessons I received from this incredible man.
A couple of years later, I experienced another profound loss. A messy break-up led to an abrupt and painful separation from a child I had cared for over three years. I was the one who took her to school each morning, who laughed and giggled with her, who taught her and spent countless hours simply being with her. She was like a granddaughter to me. But misunderstandings arose. Perceptions became skewed. The love that had bound our little family together warped into something ugly— the dark side of being human. Hearing her plead, with tear-filled eyes, “Don’t leave me!” as we were torn apart shattered my heart and pulled the rug out from my life. It was, and still is, a loss unlike any I’ve ever imagined. because my kids are all grown, my time with her was like a “do-over” to be, see and do things I’d wished I had been to and for my kids – but it also opened my heart up to feel a child’s love completely and for me to give as a parent should, with absolute love. Grief consumed me. And while it took a while for me to find my bearings, return to my mindfulness, and get back to the basics of self-care, meditation, and breathing. With intention, I embraced the sweet, lovely memories of our time together – the laughter, the shared moments, the love.
At first, those memories were pain-filled and unbearable at times, but eventually, they were bittersweet, tinged with the sharp pain of loss. But gradually, through mindful reflection, the bitterness and betrail of the situation faded, replaced by forgiveness for people just being people and a gentle sweetness only pure love can provide. The hole in my heart remains, and I hold onto the hope of seeing my girl again someday, but it’s filled with love, laughter, and gratitude for the time we had.
Grief, whether from death or a painful separation, is one of the most overwhelming experiences we face as humans. Allowing ourselves to live through it, instead of hiding from it or burying it, pretending it doesn’t matter, and trying to fake ourselves out are ways to go, but I can tell you that by living through it mindfully, intentionally, journalling, taking care of your selfe in how you choose to fuel your body, and working to embrace the moment of love that made the grief so deep, we can find healing and even a renewed sense of purpose. Mindfulness is not about forgetting or erasing the pain but about learning to live with it, to find gratitude amidst the sorrow, and to carry the love with us as we move forward. the greatest love one that endures, it lives past our lives, that is the true give of love.