Recently, I went through a difficult conflict with someone close to me. As I reflected on the experience, I was reminded of the importance of leading by example, especially when children are involved. While I recognize that I and everyone falls short sometimes, I believe in the continuous pursuit of personal growth and improvement (growth mindset). This belief reinforces my commitment to embodying the qualities of an individual who strives to set the best possible example.v While we all fall short sometimes, the goal shold be to someone you can be proud of. This experience, coupled with the principles I’ve always tried to live by, highlighted the importance of leading by example when it comes to children. Here’s why:

Children are always watching. They may not always follow our instructions, but they are constantly learning by observing us. That’s why our actions as parents play such a vital role in their development. To instill the values we hold dear, we must embody them in our daily lives. Parenting is a complex journey, but the way we act speaks louder to our children than any words ever could.

Consistency is Key: Children thrive on routine and predictability. If we want them to develop healthy habits, being consistent in our own words and behaviors reinforces those lessons with far more power than just telling them what to do.

Emotions Matter: Children are remarkably perceptive. They pick up on our subtle cues and internalize our emotional responses. Modeling calmness in difficult situations and openly expressing a range of emotions in a healthy way teaches them valuable emotional regulation skills.

How We Treat Others: The way we interact with our partners, extended family, friends, and even strangers provides a blueprint for respect and conflict resolution that our kids will carry into their own relationships.

Honesty and Integrity: Children learn about trustworthiness by observing our actions. Whether it’s admitting to a mistake or following through on a promise, these small acts build a foundation of character they will try to emulate.

Problem-Solving and Resilience: How we face challenges reveals our coping mechanisms. Do we give up easily, or do we demonstrate persistence? Our approach to obstacles teaches children how to approach their own difficulties in life.

The Power of Words: We teach children about effective communication through our tone, choice of words, and willingness to listen actively. Using our words to uplift and resolve conflict (rather than to demean or belittle) fosters healthier communication skills for them.

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: Modeling healthy self-care, whether that’s prioritizing sleep, relaxation techniques, or pursuing passions, shows our kids that it’s not only okay to take care of yourself but essential.

Learning Never Stops: Demonstrating a love for learning through reading, taking a class, or exploring new hobbies shows them that curiosity and growth should be lifelong pursuits.

Mistakes Are for Growth: We are all fallible. How we handle our own mistakes and imperfections speaks volumes to children. Owning our missteps and showing a willingness to learn from them teaches them resilience.

Love Is an Action: Our daily actions demonstrate our love far more than words alone. Being present, showing affection, and expressing gratitude create the foundation of security and acceptance our children need.

“Do as I say, not as I do” simply doesn’t work. When we tell a child to clean up their mess while our own surroundings are disorganized, it undermines our credibility as parents. Children learn best by example, so actively demonstrating the behaviors we want to see in them will always be more effective than simply issuing instructions.

The concept of “do as I say, not as I do” falls flat in the face of child development. Yes, sometimes explicit instruction is necessary, but our children are keen observers. They are constantly learning from our example, whether we realize it or not. It’s in those ordinary moments – how we treat others, face challenges, express ourselves – that the most potent lessons are instilled. If we want our children to be kind, resilient, and responsible, it begins with making sure those actions are mirrored in our own lives.

We should strive to be the example for the kind of adults. We want our kids to be.